I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
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I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
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It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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