I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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