I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
