yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
