He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm bleeding and have questions
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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