ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
