I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
