i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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