Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
