I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
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You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
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This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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