Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
