I don't usually arrange sex via text message
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
