Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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