I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
