Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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