If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
