Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Semen is not good for contacts.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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