When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
