Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
