I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
