LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
