And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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