I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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