dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
