There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
