So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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