last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
