Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
