Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize