you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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