worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
