i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
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I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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