4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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