Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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