dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
