How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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