my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
