piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
