She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
