Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
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You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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