I will die if light touches me.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
home. puking in laundry basket.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
