6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
