Say something about gay babies.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
