Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
