i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
