Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
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My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
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i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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