Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
