I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize