i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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