he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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