what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
