But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
