you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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