YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
