At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
