If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
