so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
