Do you still have your period?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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