I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
