the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
