He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
