I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
