coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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