hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
