Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
