I got chris browned last night
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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