i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
