You just made me feel so damn special
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
