I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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