Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
