So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
