so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
