I got chris browned last night
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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