I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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