so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
