best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
