Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I smell stomach acid.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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