Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I want her autograph on my taint
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
