Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
