Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
