Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
